My son has it, with extreme mania. This last bout was the worst. His wife divorced him, he was in the hospital six times in two months, he got banned from the mall. He doesn't even remember half of what he did. Now, back on Lithium and a haldol injection once a month. He thinks life is so boring now! But at least he is safe and sane. I totally get what you mean. It's so very sad because to me bipolar people are on a genius level. Someday, I hope they find something other than medication to help it. Stay strong!!!